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Monday, December 15, 2014

15122014

Am going to leave Singapore tomorrow for a short break back in my hometown. Mixed feeling. I miss my family and can't wait to meet them but at the same time, feel unbelievably upset that I can't see his cute panda's face for that long. I know I will miss him. In fact, I already start missing him though he is still in the same room with me now, lying on his bed taking a short nap. Looking at his innocent face, I feel so bad that I have to leave. Didn't know that my love feeling has grow this strong. Or maybe, actually I do know. He is just so sweet so considerate so caring. I am falling deeper and deeper, day by day. I've never meet someone like him before.

Recall back three and half years ago, when I first came to Singapore, I never feel bad that I have to leave this land. Every semester break every long holiday, I can't wait to book my flight and fly back to Malaysia. Till I meet him. Till I fall in love with him. Then, I started to know more about this country that I had stayed for three years plus. I changed. This country now mean something to me. Because this is the place that he was born. I have no idea why I get so emotional tonight. But I feel really thankful that I chose to come Singapore for my tertiary studies, I am lucky that Meinhardt chose me and gave me a chance to have my internship in the company, and feel thankful that my boss assigned him to be the one who guide me out of so many experienced engineers.

I am glad that I met you. Panda. Don't miss me too much when I am back in Malaysia. But I will for sure miss you like mad. lol


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Wednesday, December 10, 2014

11122014

Life is good. Or to be specific, life after exam is freaking good. No stress. No rush. I can just do whatever I want. Or choose not to do whatever I don't want. This might seem crap but it actually makes sense.

真正的自由不是你想做什么就做什么,

而是你不想做什么的时候可以不做什么。

When I can reject things that I don't feel like doing, there comes the real freedom. And I wanna shout out loud: " I am coming back home soon!" Yay. As we grow older it's getting harder and harder for us to spend some quality time with family. So I am really looking forward to it. And friends, if you are reading this blog post, I can interpret it as you actually miss me right. Lolol 不要脸. Feel free to ask me out. Just that it might be a bit inconvenient for me to drive out at night because I converted my driving license. I passed the Singapore driving test but I have yet to receive my driving license. So...it's abit risky to drive without a license. Come fetch me guys!

December is a good month and 2014 is definitely a good year. Actually every year also a good year for me haha. Just that sometimes it's scary when the thought of I am a soon-to-be 24 years old girl come to my mind. 2015 will be a challenging year for me! And I am looking forward to it.

Recently keep searching for winter wear in some of my favourite fashion stores to prepare for January trip. In a struggle whether I should get myself a leather one or not. If only if I am rich, I will buy all. Sigh~ Money never enough. No money how to everyday fashion show during the trip. LOL

I wish I can buy some really nice winter wear at low low price. #thinktoomuch

Should I blog about my birthday stay in Fullerton? I missed that in my blog. But kinda lazy. I still haven't blog about my Bangkok trip also. By the way, Nespresso coffee machine is a big hit recently isn't it. When I first play with the machine during my stay in Fullerton, I actually don't know that it is quite expensive and a lot of people love it. Me and boyfriend just keep playing with it although we don't really like coffee cause it's fun. Then recently only I realize we actually wasted quite a lot of good quality coffee during our stay and I gotta say Fullerton Bay hotel is quite generous in providing us the coffee capsule. At least more generous than MBS lol.




And too pretty not to repost the view from our room. :D



Hmm...
Till then.
xoxo










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Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Piece of Thought

Hi blog, I miss you blog. 3 papers down and one more paper to go before I am done with my final exam. 10 days more. Which means, I have plenty of time to study for my last paper, which also means, I have plenty of time to do random sh*t thing in my room everyday. 


For example, looking at the ceiling for hours, keep searching every corner of my room for food, non-stop watching doraemon short video clips on Youtube, singing like I am a superstar when roomie is not in, play with grapes, play with highlighter, or the most recent one. Draw cat eyes and a little heart on my cheek. 






Recently I keep thinking about stuff related to boy-girl relationship. Like how to be a good girlfriend. What are those criteria determine a good girlfriend. Is there possible that I can totally be myself, but yet still consider as a good girlfriend. How to build a healthy relationship. How to trust someone without afraid of being hurt. I believe that everyone has their own answer for all these questions and what I am trying to do all this while is to find my answer.


My own answer. I am searching for a balance point between true self and a good girlfriend. 


I am not saying that I need to and I always act like a totally different person in front of my boyfriend, I can still be myself, maybe 99 percent in front of him. Laugh and cry when I feel like doing so. Say whatever I want to him without need to worry that he will feel annoyed. But where is the one percent goes? You might ask. The 1 percent isn't there not because of him, but because of me myself.


Because this time, everything is new to me.


I clearly know that I am dating a man this time, not a boy. He is mature, he has his own thinking which always inspire and impress me, he know how to treat me like an adult, though sometimes he still spoils me like a kid.


Because of all these, I know I should treat him and our relationship the same as he treated me. I know I have to handle thing between us in a mature way and I have to grow up and stop acting like a childish girl who constantly need attention from boyfriend. That 1 percent is not there yet because I am still learning. Learn to put my trust on him without any doubts and learn to be a good life companion for him. I want to add additional joy in his life with my presence without need him to compromise any other things in his life for me.


This is something new. This is tough for me. But I know this is the right thing to do.


I have learn not to ask where had he been and who was with him when he is not with me. (Fyi, I never ask him this since we start dating.) Even sometimes he never reply me for half a day or few hours. Even sometimes I really really miss him. Because I understand that love doesn't build on thousand messages sending non-stop for each other from day to night. Love doesn't build on keep reporting to each other about our location. 


Instead, love build on trust. And love need freedom. I don't want to act like his mom and always ask him what he did and where he go. I want to be his lover, I want to be the first person that he will want to share all the interesting thing that happened on him when he comes back. 


Everything is about TRUST. 


I know he is very active in whatsapp and has alot of group chats as well as one-to-one chat conversation in his phone. Among those one-to-one chat conversations, I know some are girls, maybe two or three, or four or five. lol I don't really know exactly how many haha. Though I trust him and I know he love me very much, but can't be deny that sometimes I don't feel that good when come to think of my boyfriend is texting with another girl. But eventually I learnt to stand in his shoes to look at the matter. 


Really, I am learning. lol.
Still learning haha.


Then I always manage to find out actually thing doesn't turn out as what I thought it was. Those girls are his friend and best friends before he met me and fall in love with me. It is healthy and normal to catch up once in a while with old friends and know how each other doing. Even me myself sometimes chat with some of my good guy friends. I will be really upset if my boyfriend doesn't allow me to keep in touch with them or doesn't trust me that I will be loyal to him. I believe same applies to him.


I actually strongly against girls who check boyfriend's phone when he's not around because everyone should learn to respect each other, even though he is your boyfriend. Everyone has their own privacy. If don't trust him, why love him? 


Somemore according to Murphy's Law, what will happen, will happen. what will go wrong, will definitely go wrong. So, why worry now? HAHA. If thing is going to happen, I can't stop it anyway. 


One day, if I manage to deal with these two thing normally or I don't even remember these are things that I have to deal with, then I will give myself back that 1 percent. By that time, I can be 100 percent of myself in front of him. 


Till then. :D




  





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Monday, November 17, 2014

18112014

Hi blog. I am here for a short escape from the reality. Shouldn't I be studying? Yea I should be studying. But please please just let me stay here for a while run away from all the exam stress.

Countdown: 4 more days to first paper. But I am not ready yet.

Haven't start doing any past year papers, haven't finish my revision and still struggling hard to complete my tutorials. Blame myself for being so lazy this semester. Ended up I need to rush to finish all the modules now, few days before my examination. :/

But the fact that I am still here blogging and talking crap... LOL. 

我好像真的不怕死  


Miss me?

I wonder is there anyone still reading my blog nowadays to find out how's my life. Is there anyone who miss me and feel bad when they click into my blog and find out there is no new update hahaha. thinktoomuch

I am here to waste time waste time waste time waste time. 

*tick tock tick tock*

Continue to waste time waste time waste time waste time. 

*tick tock tick tock*

Don't Slap Me. lol 

Well maybe I should blog a little bit about my life recently. Life is still good and I am satisfying with most of the thing. Still learning ways to improve myself so that I can be a better person. 

Recently I try to implement a new habit in my daily life. A good one. I want myself to stop staring at phone when I am on my way to school or on public transport going somewhere even when I am alone. Instead, I want myself to look at the trees, the beautiful sky, the grass, the building and the people around me. This is interesting because I started to realize there are beautiful flowers along the way which I used to walk everyday but never notice their existence. I started to bump into more friends on my way to school and get to say hi and catch up a bit with them. The feeling is good. Haha I hope this habit can last long. 

Anyway I just back from a staycation in MBS last weekend and I have to say that I mad love the infinity pool @ level 57. It was crowded during weekend but boyfriend and I still manage to find a little corner for ourselves. Mainly because the pool is quite large. Let me spam some photo here.









We also had our first candlelight dinner that night. I brought the three heavy candlestick holder there and not to forget about those long candles. All perfectly hide inside my handbag. That's actually a surprise for boyfriend. " Don't be amazed. Panda. I am just a hopelessly romantic person."  



ROFL. But this view from our room really took my breath away. *love-shape-eyes*
Seriously recommend to everyone out there who wanna book a room in MBS, get a higher level room. There is no point to stay in lower level room if you choose to stay in this hotel. The higher the better! This is the city view from our room at level 45.

Happy birthday in advance boyfriend! If only if you see this hahaha. I know you never read my blog. Tsk tsk tsk. 

Time to back to study. Till then. 

Sayonara! *fly kiss*











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Saturday, October 11, 2014

The Break Up

A lot of thing happened in past 9 months. Full of ups and downs I would say.

I ended my 2 years relationship early this year and I tried my very best to make everything clear. It was not easy to make such a decision. I was in dilemma for a few months and kept struggling before I really decided I want a breakup. I know it is time to let go when keep giving chance to our relationship doesn't make thing turn out better, in fact worse. The more I asked myself to not give up on our love, to hold on, then I realize my love and my feeling is gone. Literally gone.

I know somebody might think that it is selfish and irresponsible for me to say that I want a breakup just because I have "no feeling" anymore. To be honest, I did think about myself that way too. Each time I decided to give up our relationship, I started to recall back all the sweet memories between us and all the wonderful things that had happened to us last time. I used to think that in love with him was the best thing on earth. Then, I would changed my mind and asked myself to hold on. Keep repeating. But eventually thing didn't work out the way I want it to.

Time is a bitch.

Then I realize, hold on to a relationship just because I think it is not worth for me to break up has no meaning at all. I should live for myself. He deserves to meet someone who is right for him too. Unfortunately the lucky girl is not me.

I tried to keep everything low profile and didn't really tell anyone about my breakup except few of my close friends. I don't think that I need to tell and update everybody about my relationship status. It's something personal. Unless you come to me and ask me about it, then it's fine. I don't mind telling you because I have nothing to hide also.

Couple months ago, I'm in love with my current boyfriend. I shared first picture of us taken on my 23rd birthday on instagram and some not-so-close-friend or some who I don't even consider they are my friends started to spread rumour about us. I heard different version rumour everyday and I'm really amazed by their creativity. Seriously. How the hell they able to come out with such a good story which the content not even 1 percent is true. Applause.

Of course I felt sad and at the same time mad at those who created all these bullshit rumours when I first knew about it, but eventually I learnt to forgive and forget. The reason is simple.

信你的人不必解释,不信你的人又何需解释。

I shouldn't really care how others think of me as long as I am living the life I want, I am happy with it, and I have the ability to bear whatever consequences that might occur to me. Afterall, it's my life.

All these things let me realize who's really my true friends. Thank you all I am sure you know who you are. Just want to let you know that I really appreciate you so much.

For those who spread rumours about me or believing in all kind of nonsense rumours, chill. Don't try to harm people just to let yourself feel a little bit happier. The happiness won't last long.

Till then. Cheers.




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